BACK ON

It has been awhile since I have been on here. When I started blogging I wasn't planning on putting pictures on there so I have kinda given up on blooging because it is such a pain to do the pictures. I have to say I have truly missed it. So if you want to see pics of my kids send me your camera & I will get you some. I will try and get some on here now & then but I'm not promising anything. So now I am going to empty my heart. Since December I have been worrying about Coleman's transplant and what the unknown looks like. As a mom I have so many feelings and somedays I just want to unload but find it hard to put words to my feelings so I just put it into my 1gb brain (those of you who understand computers will understand that comment). I have been able to share with friends and family but feel at times like they are really sick of hearing it although they always say they don't. I have said many times this past month that I know God says he will never give me anything I can't handle but I often wonder if He know who I really am because I feel like I can't anymore. I had a friend tell me on sunday that I need to look at that a different way by saying God must know that I am strong because He has blessed me to be Coleman's mom He knew you could handle it. Believe me I told her that will be a hard one for me to ever say. She also told me that I have no idea who we have touched during this time of our lives. She said awhole lot more but I don't remember everything, but then our minister's message was on "For everything there is a time" and through that whole message it was like he was standing right there listening to our conversation. I walked out of there knowing that God was speaking to me!!! So this week I have had so much to think about and this morning I went to Bible study with somewhat of a heavy heart asking myself when am I going to give this to God completely & not take it back. Why can't I just have peace about this why is it so hard for me to have faith. Why well I feel like I have asked Him so many times and He either isn't listening or He just don't care He is going to do as he sees fit. Why can't I just accept His plan?? Why do I feel like this is just the way it is & I just need to move on? Yes I know I have seen so many times His mighty power so why is it so hard now?? So when I got home from bible study I stopped and got the mail & what I got in there I know & believe that when we feel like we should call someone or send a card or whatever it is it's not just a feeling it is God speaking!!! I had no idea that my sister Jackie had wrote a paper in high school about me the title was "The Faith of a Mother" & at first when I started reading it I thought she had just made up a story. It didn't take long until i realized it was my life "my story" I couldn't even read it I was crying like a baby. As I continued to read my mind went straight to sunday. I feel as though God is saying "Kim give it to Me I want to carry it for you, you are my child just like you don't like seeing your son going through this I don't like seeing you go through this when all you need to do it just give it to ME and I will handle it." Believe me I am not saying that from now on I won't worry because I know it isn't that easy!!! Jackie you know the things you wrote about I never saw, but I guess normally you don't. You have no idea how you have encouraged me to keep on no matter how hard it is!! The more I thought things through God knew when I was going to need that & that you didn't send it or give it to me before. Thank-you so much Jackie for not throwing it away. I could never replace any family or friends that have went through this with us & what we face in the future your love, prayers, & help means more then you will ever know. You will all have a BIG star on your crown in heaven.