GOOD TIMES MANY MEMORIES

It's hard to believe to this is our last week with Fredetta here. This past month has been one we will always remember and cherish!!! We have had some good talks many laughs and she has brought back the desire for me to be in the kitchen more and enjoy it. Last week Coleman asked if it had been a year since we have went to McDonald's then he said I mean a month because it sure has felt like it and it has been nice. I have to agree it has been nice eating around the table listening to the chadder of all the day events. Jared and I have to laugh every night we have the kids in bed between 8:00 and 8:30 and Fredetta always goes then to and why we don't know because we sit out here and listen to her and Camille talking as though they are having an adult conversation and NEVER once do we hear Fredetta say what I can't hear you. We can't understand what they are saying but they laugh and then it gets quiet then you hear them again it's funny. Camille has decided that she doesn't like to sleep on the air mattress so they are both laying on a twin mattress I told Fredetta to make her sleep on her mattress and she said no there's plenty of room WHATEVER!!!!! We also learned that she just don't understand Nascar we have had a few chuckles with her while watching the races. Just a few comments we have heard these past weeks "why do they like going in circles, are the recking the other guy to win can't they just go faster" after we told her how fast they are going already she said " Oh no do they know that and they should slow down so they don't reck anymore." She would hear us yelling at Gordon and her first question was how do you know him then it was now where is he? OH WHAT FUN!!!! The house will be quiet now and have a hole in it and the kids will miss her very much and that goes for Jared and I the time went way to fast but we also know there is nothing like home. I just want to say THANKS Fredetta for your willingness to come we LOVE you very much and you will always have a special place in our hearts!!! We miss you already and you haven't even left yet LOVE YOU!!!!!

PRAYING FOR PEACE

So here I am flat on my back and ready to scream!!! At the same time I have had alot of time to think about my life and where I am. So I am just going to empty my heart and mind and hopefully from there I will be able to move on and do what I am suppose to do. I felt that at one time I had some really good friends that I so enjoyed hanging out with then as time went on I felt as though they were pulling away. I told myself that it was just satan and let it go because it wasn't true well now I feel so different!!! For some reason they have pulled away and I feel like by me still calling them or trying to do things with them I have only made them feel as though they have to lie to me whenever they are together or no longer post on facebook when they are together. So I asked Jared what he thought I should do and of course he says it's up to me he don't care so whether this is right or not I have decided to back away and just let go so they don't feel like they have to lie or hide from what they are doing because who wants to live like that anyway. So is this the right thing to do or not I don't know should I talk to both of them to let them know that I'm not upset with them just giving them their own space to do as they want I don't know what is the best or right way so I am very open for any ideas!!!! All I want is for my mind and heart to be at peace!!! You know how it feels when you feel like I better call someone to keep peace so they don't think we don't want to be with them and I feel as though that is how they feel and believe me that is not my desire at all!!!!! I don't understand right now but I am sure God will teach me something from this all and I do treasure your prayers!!!! Well my boys are coming in wondering why I am crying so I am going to be done and just move on!!!!!

MY DAUGHTER

I know now why God gave me only 1 girl!!! So here are the reasons why I say that. Last night she comes bouncing in the house mom I want to call my bamma the one with black hair and has it this way not the bamma that has white hair and has it like this as she puts her hair up on top of her head. I asked her why she wanted to call her and she said because I want to tell her thank-you for my bike she got the bike 2 years ago so why now who knows!! Then I needed to go to paw paw and she went with me and all the way there she didn't shut up once. She looks at me and says mom when can we go have a sweep (sleep) over at Jesus house I told her when he calls then we can go so then her next question is well what about God will he be there? Then she says mom Cameron tells me that Jesus is beside me all the time so he is right here and I told God he can come to so they are in the back seat in their seatbelts. The reason they were in the back according to her is because Jesus didn't want God to be alone back there so Jesus is sitting by him. So there never a dull moment around here!!!

BEDTIME AT THE STAUFFERS

Can you believe it 2 blogs in a row?? Every single night we go through a time of Camille coming out of her room just to tell me something. This just isn't like just do it 3 times no it can last up to a hour before she finally gives in and falls asleep and she at times lays on the kitchen floor just so she don't have to go to her bed. So tonight Jared told her it was time for bed and that if she comes out of her room he was going to spank her well sure enough 15 minutes later here she comes. Jared asked her if she remembered what he told her and then gave her the spanking and told her that she does not come out of her room unless she is bleeding or if something really bad was happening and off to bed she went. We went back to watching our movie and sure enough here she comes again this time going straight to her daddy and said look daddy I beeding see and sure enough she was. Well when she went back to her room she found a scab on her arm picked it off so it was bleeding. Needless to say Jared didn't find it at all funny but I sure did!!! That just goes to prove that we need to be very careful what we tell that child!! I am so glad that I am headed to bed right now and she is in her bed sound asleep!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY

Life has been crazy busy ever since the week before the kidney walk. The walk was on May 31st and it was an awesome day to see all that came to support us. Aaron's, John's and Toby's (Aaron's brother and his family) were here and it was so much fun being able to hang out with them at the same time. Jeremy and Jess came from Indiana I wasn't able to spend much time with them but it was good to see them. Coleman's classmates, baseball team, and some from his Sunday school class were there also. Thank-you don't really seem like enough to say you all will never know what it meant to us!!! I had no idea how it would make me feel being part of it but it was a feeling I wasn't expecting. There are things in life that you would like to put in the back of your brain and just not have it in your face well that is what I felt that day like it was in my face. It was like ha ha this is your life and what are you going to do about it!! After that it was time to get ready for VBS camp edge was our theme and it was a VERY long week and so many times I felt like satan was working overtime in my life I was hoping that once it started it would get better but oh NO he just tried harder. VBS was June 15th-19th the last night we were cleaning up the church and as we were walking out the door Jared's phone rang and it was the lady that rides with him to work everyday. We were in the middle of a bad storm and as she was driving down our road a tree fell on her car and she had her grand daughter with her. Her cell phone wouldn't let her call 911 or her husband all it would do is call Jared so here we are 20 minutes away from her and Jared is calling 911 for her!! Don't that sound like a great cell phone company?? They were both okay they were able to drive the car home once they got the tree off. Then I was home all day Saturday trying to get things caught up because the next day I was headed to junior high camp with our church. Camp was a week long and by the time it was over I was dead tired but it was a great week!! I am so thankful that my kids have that opportunity!!! So home on Friday night only to get things done so we could leave the following Thursday for Nebraska!! We had such a great time and I am very thankful to be able to celebrate Fredetta's 80th birthday it was a surprise and it was also a Jake Roth family reunion. This was the first one we ever had and it was a lot of fun and I am hoping we do it again every year would be fine with me and YES we will be there for everyone!!! Better yet maybe we should have them in different states. Our neighbors were able to go with us to Nebraska they have been wanting to and it worked out for them this time so we was able to show them around which was fun!! We also had gotten tickets to go see Larry the cable guy and yes we laughed and laughed but it felt so good. Dylan and Cameron babysat all the kids so they were very busy they had some issues but we were very proud of the way they handled it!!! We left Nebraska on Monday night around 10:00 and drove all night which we usually do but this time we knew that when we got home we would have visitors so that kept us going or should I say it kept Jared going. Del, Anita and Lexi were in Indiana and before they went home they came over to visit. It was their first time ever being here so we were able to show them around and we went to the lake but wouldn't you know it was freezing cold!!!! We are hoping they will come back sometime and enjoy the lake when it is hot. I will say that the rest of the week it was hot of course!! Since they left it has been a normal week of daycare then I cleaned today and when I got home Jared took the kids to a movie so I had a quiet evening which was very nice!!!! After reading all this I now know why I have felt like I am losing my mind and why I have been so tired!!!

Family Update

Wow where does time go?? Life here for us has been crazy busy & I don't see it slowing down until school starts again in September. The boys are back playing baseball again this year & I believe our little Carson is going to be the one that sports just come easy!! He throws that ball with no effort he is so fun to watch!! Cameron has had his spring concert & it was amazing. The last concert was at Christmas time & it was good but you could tell how much better they have gotten. This coming Monday him & the rest of his class will be at camp until Wednesday so it will seem weird not having him here. He has been having issues on the bus again & I am about ready to let some kids know who is boss!!!! Coleman has been feeling really good these past few months & I got his report back on his ultra sound they did on his kidneys & they told me to their shocking surprise his kidneys have grown. I got a phone call from his teacher this past week asking me how his immune system is doing & the reason why is there is a boy in his class that has a mother who needs to get away so she is going to Mexico, NOW COME ON why would you be so STUPID!?!?!? She is going to be there for 10 days so I talked to the doctors & they was able to give me some ideas to talk with his teacher about it so pray that I can keep my cool as I might have to go higher up then just her. I am just very thankful for her willingness to give me heads up so has been so awesome to work with you just never know from year to year but praise God he has taken care of it for me!! Camille is still Camille never a dull moment!! I don't know why but a couple of weeks ago she has started this thing where she doesn't want me to leave. I don't remember the day it was this week or what I was doing but Luann told me she would watch her for me, now for those of you who don't know Luann has become her second mommy & if she ever had the chance to go over there or stay with me well your right she always picked Luann. So the other day when I told her to walk over there she started crying I asked her why & she said because she wanted to give me a hug & tell me she loves me so we did all that & she said bye & went but she didn't get very far & her she was again crying & wanting to tell me something & give me a hug. This went on for sometime she ended coming back home 5 times I finally just got in the van to leave & there she stood crying it's not a naughty cry it is a heartbroken cry & I just don't understand it at all!!! All I do know is that is really hard for me, but why now & not when she was younger or hardly knew Luann. I have asked her many times why she doesn't want me to leave & all she will say is because she wants to go with me, it's like she has this fear of me not coming back & who ever she is with that is where she will have to stay. I simply don't get it believe me!! It's not Luann at all because when ever I am home she asks to go over there every 2 minutes from the time she wakes up till it's time for bed again. So if anyone has an opinion please let me know. This past Wednesday it was our 14th anniversary which does seem like it has been that long. I guess it is because the ONLY argument we ever have is who loves each other more. Well I just thought I would just give you a small update from the Stauffer family.

BACK ON

It has been awhile since I have been on here. When I started blogging I wasn't planning on putting pictures on there so I have kinda given up on blooging because it is such a pain to do the pictures. I have to say I have truly missed it. So if you want to see pics of my kids send me your camera & I will get you some. I will try and get some on here now & then but I'm not promising anything. So now I am going to empty my heart. Since December I have been worrying about Coleman's transplant and what the unknown looks like. As a mom I have so many feelings and somedays I just want to unload but find it hard to put words to my feelings so I just put it into my 1gb brain (those of you who understand computers will understand that comment). I have been able to share with friends and family but feel at times like they are really sick of hearing it although they always say they don't. I have said many times this past month that I know God says he will never give me anything I can't handle but I often wonder if He know who I really am because I feel like I can't anymore. I had a friend tell me on sunday that I need to look at that a different way by saying God must know that I am strong because He has blessed me to be Coleman's mom He knew you could handle it. Believe me I told her that will be a hard one for me to ever say. She also told me that I have no idea who we have touched during this time of our lives. She said awhole lot more but I don't remember everything, but then our minister's message was on "For everything there is a time" and through that whole message it was like he was standing right there listening to our conversation. I walked out of there knowing that God was speaking to me!!! So this week I have had so much to think about and this morning I went to Bible study with somewhat of a heavy heart asking myself when am I going to give this to God completely & not take it back. Why can't I just have peace about this why is it so hard for me to have faith. Why well I feel like I have asked Him so many times and He either isn't listening or He just don't care He is going to do as he sees fit. Why can't I just accept His plan?? Why do I feel like this is just the way it is & I just need to move on? Yes I know I have seen so many times His mighty power so why is it so hard now?? So when I got home from bible study I stopped and got the mail & what I got in there I know & believe that when we feel like we should call someone or send a card or whatever it is it's not just a feeling it is God speaking!!! I had no idea that my sister Jackie had wrote a paper in high school about me the title was "The Faith of a Mother" & at first when I started reading it I thought she had just made up a story. It didn't take long until i realized it was my life "my story" I couldn't even read it I was crying like a baby. As I continued to read my mind went straight to sunday. I feel as though God is saying "Kim give it to Me I want to carry it for you, you are my child just like you don't like seeing your son going through this I don't like seeing you go through this when all you need to do it just give it to ME and I will handle it." Believe me I am not saying that from now on I won't worry because I know it isn't that easy!!! Jackie you know the things you wrote about I never saw, but I guess normally you don't. You have no idea how you have encouraged me to keep on no matter how hard it is!! The more I thought things through God knew when I was going to need that & that you didn't send it or give it to me before. Thank-you so much Jackie for not throwing it away. I could never replace any family or friends that have went through this with us & what we face in the future your love, prayers, & help means more then you will ever know. You will all have a BIG star on your crown in heaven.